Fw: Oh, this is funny!!!!-my sides hurt

["Spirit One Email" <laurel@spiritone.com>]

>
>>> 
>>>  Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
>>>  A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
>>>  -----------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
>>>  A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
>>>  -----------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
>>>  A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit
>>>     any of the ducks.
>>>  ------------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin
>>>     blindfolded?
>>>  A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
>>>  -----------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. What's the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe?
>>>  A. You can tune the lawn mower. 
>>>  -----------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for
>>>     directions: an in-tune bagpipe player, an out-of-tune
>>>     bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
>>>  A. The out-of-tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you
>>>     have been hallucinating.
>>>  -------------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
>>>  A. Add vibrato.
>>>  -------------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
>>>  A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.
>>>  -------------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and
>>>     dead bagpiper in the road?
>>>  A. Skid marks in front of the snake.
>>>  ------------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road
>>>     and a dead country singer in the road?
>>>  A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording
>>>     session.
>>>  ------------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?
>>>  A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
>>>  ----------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning?
>>>  A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.
>>>  -----------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
>>>  A. Someone is blowing into it.
>>>  -----------------------------------------------------
>>>  If you took all the bagpipers in the world and laid them 
>>>  end to end -- it would be a good idea.
>>>  ------------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. What do you call ten bagpipes at the bottom of the ocean?
>>>  A. A good start.
>>>  ------------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
>>>  A. To get away from the sound.
>>>  ------------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. What's the definition of "optimism"
>>>  A. A bagpiper with a beeper.
>>>  ------------------------------------------------------
>>>  Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play in perfect unison?
>>>  A. Shoot one.
>>>  ------------------------------------------------------
>>>  Did you hear the one about the bagpiper who parked his 
>>>  car with the windows open, forgetting that he had left his 
>>>  bagpipes in the back seat?
>>>  
>>>  He rushed back as soon as he realized it, but it was too
>>>  late -- someone had already put another set of bagpipes in the
>>>  car!
>>
>

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